HOW TO GIVE HOPE TO SOMEONE
(PART 2)
I beat my downward spiral because I had hope. Nothing else worked.
When I was in the worst part of the struggle, I hoped so much for things to just go back to normal. The worse it got, the more I hoped. Why can’t this nightmare end? I hoped that my next breath would be drawn out deep and relaxing, but it never was. I hoped to go back in time and punch that spider’s fangs out. I hoped and tried to change without success.
Hoping is like a weaker form of expecting something. When you expect something, you’re almost sure it will happen. When you hope for something, you don’t know it will happen, but you’d like it to happen.
Hope is dangerous when it compels you fight a battle you can’t win.
For example, in my situation, I could theoretically relax and “beat this,” so I did what people instinctively do: I threw the gauntlet at the problem. For example, I tried adjusting my breathing, but it backfired because I became hyperconscious about it; it made things worse.
My hope kept me fighting so hard. But fighting is not what I needed to do.
In life, like in war, we must know when to attack, and equally important, when to retreat. Not all enemies can be defeated in a straightforward conventional way.
I remember the very day I purposefully lost hope and “gave up.” I was in the kitchen, being really anxious for no reason, and I was fed up with this fight, so I decided to quit. I gave up hope in winning this fight. I was surprised when, over time, the enemy walked away!
Here’s specifically how I changed my behavior when I lost hope: I stopped trying (and hoping) to not get butterflies in my stomach for no reason. I stopped caring about my pain. I even began to be playful with my problem, showing that I didn’t care: “Only five butterflies this time? That’s it? Give me a few more!”
“Studies show that the more you try to suppress negative thoughts, the more likely you are to become depressed.” ~Kelly McGonigal, PhD.
How to Change Someone’s Perception on Hope?
When someone losses Hope, it becomes difficult for them to change their way of thinking. In order to change the way they think is to show them that they are still loved by others. We need to tell them that they are special; we need to show them that they are special.
Acceptance.
The need for acceptance is met when we willingly and unconditionally love someone. Can you look beyond a person’s faults and still care for them? There’s not a better way to give a person hope than by accepting them for who they are, not for what they do.
Love.
The need for love is met by expressing care through physical touch and tender words. Tell people you love them. Tell your spouse, your children and your colleagues. Tell people in the hospital, at weddings, at funerals. Try calling someone today and say, “I wanted to give you a quick call to tell you thank you for being part of our support group family and for being a good friend. I love you, and I’m proud to call you friend.”
Appreciation.
The need for appreciation is met through expressing thanks and praise, especially in recognizing someone’s accomplishments. I recently heard a senior pastor praise the youth pastor in front of the congregation about his summer program, and the young pastor was beaming from ear to ear.
Approval.
The need for approval is met by building up or affirming a person and acknowledging the importance of the relationship. An employer I know called out a young man in an employee meeting: “Josh, the way you organize the storeroom has made everybody so pleased. We can find things now. You are making everybody’s work so much easier. Thank you so much.” The boss made a big deposit.
Connection.
The need for connection is met when we enter another person’s world. There is no substitute for spending time with someone. And it’s not just time—it’s time and really listening to people from your heart. If you will truly listen to someone, whether they are happy or sad, they will feel blessed. A Pastor said, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
Comfort.
The need for comfort is met by responding to people with appropriate words and physical touch. If a person is grieving, there really are only two things to say: “I’m so sorry,” and “I love you.” Place your hand on the shoulder of a person in pain and tell that person you’re on his side.
Encouragement.
The need for encouragement is met by urging people to hang in there, to persist toward the goal they so want to achieve. Send notes, phone someone, pray with someone, take someone to dinner or a movie. People are dying for someone to say, “I’m so proud of what you are doing. You make this world a better place to live in.”
Respect.
The need for respect is met by honoring and regarding people as important. Do you show deference to your spouse’s opinion? Do you listen to your children? Do you respect people’s time? Do you respect people from different backgrounds and religions?
Protection.
The need for protection is met when we establish harmony in relationships and show people they are free from fear or threat of harm. Are those for whom you are financially responsible secure in knowing that you will provide for them? Do you relate to people in a consistent way? Do you treat your employees the way you want to be treated? Do people know what to expect from you? Can they read you?
Support.
The need for support is met when you come alongside someone and give them your complete attention. Anticipate and notice when someone is experiencing periods of stress. Are you willing to use your personal resources to help someone, if need be?
Conclusion:
The fact that I have overcome so much adversity in my life helps me to have hope during tough times. I believe if I could survive so many problems, if I could survive crawling on the floor between life and death, I could probably survive anything. Basically that is the way we gain confidence in our ability. When we overcome one difficulty and one hardship, we can build on that when any other hardship comes along in life. I also like the fact that people who hear me speak can tune in and feel inspired. They see that I could do it, and they realize they can overcome whatever they are trying to overcome too. That is helpful to realize, that maybe each of us can help others overcome by sharing our stories.
The words you tell someone will stay in their subconscious. It will repeat over and over until that's what's programmed into their mind.
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. Be happy and believe in yourself even in the darkest moment”. There is a list of awesome things that you can do during tough times. Contact Shailen for more information.
It is depressing when every single thing around you reminds you of that failure. But then you start looking at things differently. You draw inspiration from the same things that haunted you. It’s a biased interpretation of things, but it helps. You finally see the hope which you were looking for inside you.
And this is why I say that:
“Giving Hope to someone is the same as Giving Life to that Person”.