SUPPORT AND CAREGIVERS (PART 1)
I would like to hear from some caregivers, what’s it like to be a caregiver?
Introduce Speakers:
What is Support?
The word Support has many different meaning for use in different context.
Meaning 1:
To agree with and give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed:
Meaning 2:
To help someone emotionally or in a practical way:
Meaning 3:
To give a person the money they need in order to buy food and clothes and pay for somewhere to live:
For our purpose as a Support Group we will use meaning 1: To agree with and give encouragement to someone or something because you want him, her, or it to succeed:
What is a Caregiver?
A caregiver or a carer is an unpaid or paid person from the social network who provides help with his or her activities of daily living, or instrumental activities of daily living. Any person with health impairment might use care giving services to address their difficulties. Care giving is most commonly used to address impairments related to old age, disability, a disease, or a mental disorder.
Typical duties of a caregiver might include taking care of someone who has a chronic illness or disease; managing medications or talking to doctors and nurses on someone's behalf; helping to bathe or dress someone who is frail or disabled; or taking care of household chores, meals, or bills for someone who cannot do these things alone.
What is the Difference between Supporters and Caregivers?
I always taught that Supporters and Caregivers are one and the same. In fact they are different in many ways but they do complement each other.
I’ve heard both terms used inter- changeably. But I do believe there is a difference. When I think of a caregiver, I think of one of those people who help someone with a long-term illness, like cancer, who needs help with everyday things that they can’t do for themselves.
In the world of bipolar disorder, that’s called enabling; however. Your loved one is not that ill. There are many things they can do for themselves, and these are things that you should NOT be doing for them. For example, you can oversee to make sure your loved one takes their medication, but you don’t have to actually GIVE it to them (put it in their mouth), to make sure they take it.
Your loved one isn’t an invalid and you are not their caretaker. You shouldn’t be their enabler, either. You are simply their supporter.
In fact, if you do things for your loved one that they can do perfectly well by themselves, you can be doing more harm than good.
Part of their treatment is to learn to be productive again, and that means learning how to do things for themselves. You shouldn’t interfere with this process.
Even if your loved one wants you to. This is called dependency. And they can become over-dependent on you, which is not good, either.
This is another thing they should be learning in treatment, but if it gets too difficult for them, they may revert back to the easy way – depending on you to take care of them.
And there you are – right back in the circle of being a caretaker instead of being a supporter.
I’m always talking about how knowledge is power. Well, if you have knowledge about what being an enabler is, you won’t be one!
Same as the difference between being a caretaker versus being a supporter.
You want to be a good supporter, right?
And you want your loved one to get better, right?
In fact, you want your loved one to become stable, right?
And I’ll even do you one better. I’ll bet you would love for your loved one to become high-functioning, wouldn’t you?
Well, the way to do that is for them to learn to become independent. And the only way to do that is if you become simply a support for them, and not a caretaker or enabler.
Now you know! And now that you know, hopefully you won’t make the mistake that a lot of other supporters make.
Yes, I Know, my wife is laughing at me. Why? She will say “Practice what you Preach”. Yes I know. On the same token, not every day is the same for me, yes some days I just need a supporter and other days I need both a caregiver and supporter. But she knows, I try my best even though it may not seem that way.
How to help a friend or loved one suffering from a chronic illness?
If someone you love is diagnosed with cancer or a life-threatening disease, you may feel desperate and completely helpless. But it doesn't have to be that way.
Research has shown us that family and friends can play a huge role in helping patients deal with a chronic illness.
When a person is suffering from a chronic illness, it's important that they feel truly cared about. What matters most is how people interact with the sick person.
Here are some ways that patients and their families can get the kind of support they want from others:
In other words, honesty is still the best policy. We often try to protect our families and loved ones from bad news, but hiding a person's serious illness from the rest of the family can backfire. Communicate directly and be open with family members.
Although their understanding of the situation may be limited, children still appreciate being told what's going on around them. Children can sometimes view themselves as the cause of problems or major events that happen around them. They may view a parent's illness as being caused by something they did. Be open, honest, let children know it's OK to ask questions. This will help relieve some of their anxiety. Remember, a child can be a great source of laughter and warmth for a sick individual.
Everybody under the sun doesn't need to know about your illness or your loved one's illness. Choose who you care to share your news with carefully. Some relationships will prosper and some will become strained. What's important is that you feel that sharing the information with an individual will provide a stronger sense of support and strength.
People want to feel useful. Don't be ashamed to ask for help or favors, such as cooking a meal or helping with the school carpool.
Finally, if someone you love if suffering from a chronic illness, learn about the disease, help out with daily errands and chores, and give emotional support. Sometimes we all need a shoulder to cry on.
I want to say that giving HOPE to someone is the same as giving LIFE to that person. So keep up the good work and God Bless You.